The cost of appealing rather than commanding is real. When leaders choose appeal over command, we are allowing for various outcomes and acknowledging we might not get our way. There’s an uncertainty in appeal, which is one way godly leaders show their trust in God. Another cost of appealing is holding our ideas with a loose grip, being willing to actually engage in conversation with some willingness to be moved from our position. Finally, appealing is simply much harder than commanding. A command takes one or two sentences. An appeal takes several paragraphs.

There is a time and place for commands rather than appeals. But there are many more times when appealing is the best way to use authority. When children are young, parents are wise to use their authority to command often, especially to guard children against danger and foolishness. But as those children grow, there ought to be a conscientious switch to winning their hearts toward wisdom rather than commanding blind obedience. Likewise in a congregation. In the RPCNA, our constitution makes it clear that elders have authority over all parts of a church’s life and ministry. So elders could simply say, “This is the way it’s going to be,” without allowing any questions or conversation. But wise elders will save their “command authority” for when it’s absolutely necessary and choose instead to lead by example, by kindness, by genuine pastoral care, and by winsomeness. This will take a lot more effort, humility and faith. But it will be worth it.

…though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you…
Philemon 8-9