I have been blessed to attend dozens and dozens of weddings through the years. (I’m in singles’ ministry!) Never does the beauty of a blushing bride or the look on her groom’s face when she appears get old. I get butterflies as I think of the exciting journey they are about to embark upon. The joy of marriage is not talked about often enough! There is something wonderful about having a partner to do life with, to share experiences with, or to bounce ideas off of.

However, the twists and turns of life can often leave wounds. Our life experiences can help us to grow in wisdom and maturity, which are beautiful attributes that will enhance marriage. But life experiences can also cause gaps in our emotional bank. We all have a past that we bring into marriage. Recognize the baggage we carry into the marriage and learn how to find wholeness through this beautiful marriage journey.

Here are four types of baggage that, if ignored and left to fester, can ruin a marriage.

1. Abuse
Get ready for some sad statistics. Every year Child Protective Services works with approximately 6.6 million children with allegations of abuse in the home, including physical, sexual, mental, and emotional. It’s been found that 1 in 5 women in the United States have been raped, as well as 1 in 71 men. And 1 in 3 women have been victim of violence by a partner. The list goes on and on.

Abuse is everywhere. Whether it stems from a dangerous or unhealthy childhood or a recent relationship that went terribly wrong, both men and women can bring the baggage of abuse into the relationship, leaving a wound that can last a lifetime, if not addressed.

2. Finances.
College credit cards, a previous divorce, medical bills, or simple mismanagement of money can all result in heavy financial baggage. It takes only a matter of moments to ruin a credit history by obtaining too much debt load, applying for too many accounts, or over-utilizing credit cards, just to name a few scenarios. However, it can take months and years to rectify poor credit. Financial history usually isn’t a relationship deal-breaker, when you talk about it honestly. But poor spending habits or inability to learn better money management can be weighty in a marriage.

3. Past Relationships.
Rarely does someone enter marriage today that has not been involved in a previous relationship of some sort, even if it’s just a junior high sweetheart. Many of us have experience wounds from a deep relationship (or marriage) that failed. We felt like failures. We were hurt and angry. And if we aren’t careful, we get the idea that someone must pay! We don’t do so consciously, but subconsciously we repeatedly make our spouse prove to us that they won’t do the same hurtful things that a past partner did. Or we compare. If there is a marriage set-back through a disagreement, we sometimes drudge up a past relationship and how the previous partner “did the exact same thing.” We must be careful with the past.

4. Childhood.
Whether we had a childhood that was bursting with laughter, joy, family devotionals, and regular vacations, or we were riddled with the pain of abuse, death of a close family member, or other trauma; our childhoods shape us. And those experiences can bring baggage into the marriage. Traumatic childhood experiences can leave us with obvious pain and wounds, even into adulthood. Perhaps less obvious is a positive childhood. If we were blessed with fantastic parents who created a healthy home environment, that is an awesome gift we’ve received. However, we have to be careful that we don’t make a habit of comparing our childhood experiences with the performance of our spouses. Our husbands may not mow the lawn as faithfully as our dads once did or make the money that afforded a more comfortable lifestyle. Your wife may not be the dynamic cook or seamstress your mom once was. Let’s be careful that we allow our childhoods to shape who we are without exerting baggage they may have created.

Source: by Jennifer Maggio – iBelieve